5 things I learned about self-care from our neighbor's cat
I moved from Cambridge, MA to Bay Area in September last year.
In Cambridge, I was used to a busy student life full of activities and friends and there was always something to do and always had wonderful friends I knew I could bank on. I met my husband online when I was in Cambridge and after talking for hours on end in July and visiting him in August for a week, we decided that the only way this relationship can move forward is that we have to be in the same city. Since I was the one looking for a job, we thought it made sense that I move to where he is based. So the impulsive person that I was, packed the bags and moved. Needless to say, friends and family were shocked.
I knew living in the Bay Area was expensive but realized how expensive it is once I moved here. I was a grad student looking for a job and very hopeful that I will find a job that pays me in two months. It is just that both I and my husband forgot that I am not a practicing engineer and I am looking for a job in International Development. In the meantime, we got married.
My husband tried to support me as much as it was possible for him but being used to my freedom and independence it was difficult for me to depend on him. If you do not earn and do not have a car, it is extremely difficult to be independent. I have a student debt and after four months of not finding a job, I started doubting myself, my decisions, my gut feelings. My confidence started dropping. We all know that the first year of marriage is slightly challenging. There is so much the partners have to learn about each other and if you are marrying after you turn 30, then the adjustment can be a little tougher. And my support system, my parents and friends were far away. I slipped into depression...
I learned from a biochemist and a healing practitioner that it takes six weeks for the human brain to adjust to a change. Six weeks for each change. I had gone through three life changes without a break for my brain to adjust to one.
In December last year, I was strolling around my house and I saw a tabby cat staring at me. I am crazy, I speak to animals like the way normal people speak to other normal people. So I said "hi" to the tabby cat. He walked up to me and rubbed against me. I have had companion animals since I was three years old and had none for two years. When he came to me I tried to learn all about him. Saw his tag to see his name and learned that he is an avid hunter. After a few weekly "hi"s he found where I lived! Observing him became my favorite pastime. Watching him brought me pure joy. He was better than any therapy known to me! So here are the 5 things I learned from him.
1. Make friends with those who smile at you or say hi to you - We are so busy with our lives that we do not stop to say hi to someone who nods or smiles at us. It only takes a few seconds to say hi and how are you? You will make new friends!
2. Soak in the Sun, enjoy your surroundings - He spends a few hours every day just basking in the Sun. He just stares at trees (I know he looking for birds and squirrels to catch) but watching squirrels and bords for few minutes a day is therapeutic, it slows your mind down!
3. Own your life - He is not tied down by anything. He does not feel obligated to do anything. That does not mean he doesn't love. He shows his love in as many cat ways as there are. But that does not mean he is indebted to you for your treats or petting. You are the boss of your life, you don't have to hurt anyone to own it
4. Go for a walk - I have noticed that if he senses stress in the air, he shakes his body and goes for a walk. If he is sitting on our balcony and sees that my husband and I are arguing, he walks away. He comes back to assess the situation after a few minutes. He does not want the stress-energy to bring him down.
5. Communicate clearly - He communicates very clearly what he likes and what he doesn't. For example when you pet him, if you rub his belly he does not like it. He gently pushes your hand away. When he likes something you do he reaffirms it by purring and headbutting. When you communicate clearly you avoid many a unplesant things that otherwise will drain your energy.
In Cambridge, I was used to a busy student life full of activities and friends and there was always something to do and always had wonderful friends I knew I could bank on. I met my husband online when I was in Cambridge and after talking for hours on end in July and visiting him in August for a week, we decided that the only way this relationship can move forward is that we have to be in the same city. Since I was the one looking for a job, we thought it made sense that I move to where he is based. So the impulsive person that I was, packed the bags and moved. Needless to say, friends and family were shocked.
I knew living in the Bay Area was expensive but realized how expensive it is once I moved here. I was a grad student looking for a job and very hopeful that I will find a job that pays me in two months. It is just that both I and my husband forgot that I am not a practicing engineer and I am looking for a job in International Development. In the meantime, we got married.
My husband tried to support me as much as it was possible for him but being used to my freedom and independence it was difficult for me to depend on him. If you do not earn and do not have a car, it is extremely difficult to be independent. I have a student debt and after four months of not finding a job, I started doubting myself, my decisions, my gut feelings. My confidence started dropping. We all know that the first year of marriage is slightly challenging. There is so much the partners have to learn about each other and if you are marrying after you turn 30, then the adjustment can be a little tougher. And my support system, my parents and friends were far away. I slipped into depression...
I learned from a biochemist and a healing practitioner that it takes six weeks for the human brain to adjust to a change. Six weeks for each change. I had gone through three life changes without a break for my brain to adjust to one.
In December last year, I was strolling around my house and I saw a tabby cat staring at me. I am crazy, I speak to animals like the way normal people speak to other normal people. So I said "hi" to the tabby cat. He walked up to me and rubbed against me. I have had companion animals since I was three years old and had none for two years. When he came to me I tried to learn all about him. Saw his tag to see his name and learned that he is an avid hunter. After a few weekly "hi"s he found where I lived! Observing him became my favorite pastime. Watching him brought me pure joy. He was better than any therapy known to me! So here are the 5 things I learned from him.
1. Make friends with those who smile at you or say hi to you - We are so busy with our lives that we do not stop to say hi to someone who nods or smiles at us. It only takes a few seconds to say hi and how are you? You will make new friends!
2. Soak in the Sun, enjoy your surroundings - He spends a few hours every day just basking in the Sun. He just stares at trees (I know he looking for birds and squirrels to catch) but watching squirrels and bords for few minutes a day is therapeutic, it slows your mind down!
3. Own your life - He is not tied down by anything. He does not feel obligated to do anything. That does not mean he doesn't love. He shows his love in as many cat ways as there are. But that does not mean he is indebted to you for your treats or petting. You are the boss of your life, you don't have to hurt anyone to own it
4. Go for a walk - I have noticed that if he senses stress in the air, he shakes his body and goes for a walk. If he is sitting on our balcony and sees that my husband and I are arguing, he walks away. He comes back to assess the situation after a few minutes. He does not want the stress-energy to bring him down.
5. Communicate clearly - He communicates very clearly what he likes and what he doesn't. For example when you pet him, if you rub his belly he does not like it. He gently pushes your hand away. When he likes something you do he reaffirms it by purring and headbutting. When you communicate clearly you avoid many a unplesant things that otherwise will drain your energy.
Very well written! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Disha :*
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